We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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