I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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