the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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