I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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