she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
