he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
