Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
