I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
