My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
