All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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