Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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