Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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