there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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