I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
