This dress was meant to end up on your floor
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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