how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I still have a little drunk in my system
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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