I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
