The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
