rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
