Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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