there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
