remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize