tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
