I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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