You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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