Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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