After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
