one might say we're banned from that church
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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