I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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