So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
