she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
