How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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