Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
