so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
