I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
