I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
