hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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