just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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