He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
