im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I can tuck mytits in my pants
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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