I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
