we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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