So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
