bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
