I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
