Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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