Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Michael Bay diarrhea
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize