How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
