Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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