thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize