So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
