i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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