Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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