You just made me feel so damn special
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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