Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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