the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
