I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
