Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
