just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
organizing the empties. That sober.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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