the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
