I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
