She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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