he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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