hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Pants are for mortals
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
