Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
