I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
