My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Say something about gay babies.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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