Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
