you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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